"That perfection is unobtainable is not an excuse not to strive for it." — Paladine, 'Dungeons And Dragons'

The legend of Saint Sangria

History: The early history of Saint Sangria is foggy, and many contradictory versions exist. It is known that at the time of his death he was a well-to-do retired merchant living in the Kingdom of Caid. All stories agree that he was "good and kind and beloved by all".

His passion and pride in retirement was brewing, and his brewing prowess was known far and wide. Many came to him to seek his knowledge, and help with their own brewing. None were turned away, and all left with the new confidence in their brewing skills.

The one sad note in his life was his wife's homesickness; she pined for the taste of Sangria that had flavored her childhood in Spain. Labor as he might, he was unable to brew Sangria capable of bringing Spain to his wife.

His martyrdom came about at the culmination of his quest for the perfect Sangria. He was alone in his brewing cellar, tapping the cask of his latest Sangria attempt when something went horribly wrong.

With the first blow of the hammer, the cast EXPLODED. He was pierced with thousands of splinters. His servants found him face down in a pool of blood and wine, drowned in the Sangria that remained in the bottom of the cask.

His first miracle was the Sangria that caused his death. The brew that pooled in the surviving portion of the cask, the same brew that had accepted his last breath, was the best Sangria his wife had ever tasted (alas the recipe died that day with the Saint)! Those who drank of that fateful batch of Sangria were cured of any ailments they'd been suffering, and NONE ever suffered from hangovers again! The level of remaining brew in the shattered cask never diminished throughout his wife's lifetime, thus providing a permanent cure for her homesickness, and a permanent income source!

His second miracle occurred a year later when two local fishermen were washed overboard during a sudden storm. They were saved from drowning when an empty brewing cask floated into sight. While they clung to the cask it floated straight and true back to their ship! Upon examination, it was discovered that the mysterious cask bore the sigil of the late, lamented brewer!

His third miracle occurred a few years later, during an immense thunderstorm when a lightning strike shattered a large, old oak tree in the center of the village near his manor. Where the tree had stood was now a large pile of perfectly shaped toothpicks, much like the splinters that had pierced the Saint. Burned into the shattered stump was the sigil of the future St. Sangria. That year's dry summer and early frosts had caused a poor harvest, many villagers would have starved had it not been for the money made selling the toothpicks to the sailors, fishermen, and travelers who came to the village to drink of the Saintly Sangria!

His miracles continue: To this day, Alpine search dogs wear casks around their necks while on rescue missions; because it is believed that Saint Sangria causes the casks to lead the dogs straight to the victims and right back to the lodge!

Many of the oak tree toothpicks survive to this day, and those carrying them claim they prevent heartburn, cure dental problems, and add a delightful flavor to cocktail wieners. Home brewers claim that their brew tastes better when served with a St. Sangria toothpick in the glass – to prevent choking, the toothpicks are usually fitted with a paper umbrella-like topper.

Relic: This shrine is honored to have a relic of the beloved Saint Sangria. The very spigot that the Saint used to broach the fateful cask has been preserved and can be viewed by those who prove themselves worthy!

Feast Day: Saint Sangria's feast day is January 1st. The Saint is traditionally celebrated by lifting drinks on high at midnight as the day comes in, to remember his many miraculous intercessions.

Patron Saint: Saint Sangria is the patron saint of home brewers, cask makers, fishermen, sailors, drowning victims, toothpick salesmen, lifeguards, dentists, drinkers, gourmets, party hostesses, homesick wives, and college party girls.